Sorry i'm just a little bored. Perhaps i shall try to list down what i truly believe in.
Firstly, i feel the truth about life is, the more you find out about it, the more you feel it's meaningless and that there is SO MUCH pain in life that even if there is some feeble sense of meaning in your life, it will be easily shadowed by the pain you have to go through.
Sorry for sounding suicidal but i feel this is true. Just think about your stages of life and you'll see eye to eye. First, childhood. You live each day thinking what you could do when you are older and how much more fun you could have.
Secondly, school-attending age. This spreads all the way from when you're 6 till you're 24?. Things that suck about school: you slog so hard just to get that paper certificate. Just think about the numerous hours spent at home, in school , in libraries just mugging away. And now, when you look back, did you think that PSLE cert/O level/A level cert was really worth those hours in your short life? Even at the tender age of 12, based on your PSLE score, you start to get discriminated (NA, NT, Express, Special) and realize if you want to have a financially stable future, you better concentrate on your grades.
Now, what happens after school? Work of course. Full 365 days of it, Les 14 days of leave. Think about this. From age 24-60 (sg wants to raise the retirement age to 68 wth) , that's 36 years of your life and almost 50% of your life spent on working. When you're 60, of course you won't be able to enjoy life as much anymore and you start having old age problems (rheumatism, poor appetite, diabetes risk ; you cant even enjoy a nice bowl of white rice wth) .
These carry you through till you die. Of course the degree of old age problems depends on what you did during your productive work life. If you didn't plan for your retirement, you could very well be living off others and being a burden, increasing the pain of continuing to live.
I used to think, all these would be alright so long as you had love in your heart and love around you. Now, i realize how much work a relationship really is. When you're in a relationship, it's imperative you have to make sacrifices.
Based on my own experience, somehow these sacrifices take away the simple joys of life.
For example, I like playing dota with my group of friends on friday nights/weekends. But because i have to be with her/reply her messages, i find i have to sacrifice this. Now, you can say sacrificing dota shouldn't be a problem, i mean shouldn't spending time with your love be more rewarding than playing a computer game? Maybe its just me, but there's this unparalleled joy from winning a dota match together as a well coordinated team that i think girls can never understand. Just like how i can never really understand how girls like shopping.
This is just one aspect, the other aspect is you have to limit, or at least be wary of your current relationships with other people, especially girls. I'm sure all of you can relate to this. It is SO difficult to still be very close to your friends and meet frequently and have a girlfriend at the same time. Maybe i'm doing it wrong, maybe it's just me, but i find it's such a great sacrifice. It's like trading your friends for someone else, which i would hate to do.
Another aspect is that, open communication, which is vital to good relationships, might not work 100% of the time due to the simple fact that the truth hurts.
A trival example, yr girlfriend asks you if actress A (who has a perfect hot bod ) is hot. You tell the truth and say yes. Then she asks you if she's hot or A is hotter. Now here therein lies the problem. You would definitely think your own girlfriend is hot right, if not she won't be your girlfriend.
So how do you answer this question? Would you tell the truth and say "A is hotter, cos her body is nicer". I'm not saying this is a wrong answer, but chances are, your girlfriend would be hurt by this statement. So, maybe you're not a superficial kind of guy and you tell her, "although her body is nicer, i think you are hotter as a whole". And she will shoot you and say, "so you think my body is not nice la!". GG. Or lastly, you can lie, to her and yourself and say, "Your body is the hottest in the whole universe and no one will ever be hotter than you". Kudos to all of you whose girlfriend is Jessica Alba/Angelina Jolie.
A more serious example, perhaps this might only happen after many many years in a relationship. Suppose you meet this person, she/he is very friendly, cliques very well with you, you have this sort of strange attraction to this person that you can't quite explain or keep it out of your head. At least for now.
Now, this is very normal and common so you know it and can't deny it unless you're delusional. It is not love you are sure of it, it's just a dumb infatuation. Now, the problem lies with whether to tell your husband/wife. Logically, you think this infatuation is definitely not going to last long and you're not going to let it last long, so it's going to end with no consequences. So, why create additional pain to your partner in knowing that you were infatuated with someone else even if its a small infatuation and for a short while. Another way that the truth hurts.
The problem with open communication i feel, is not to be 100% honest and blatant about everything you feel and you do. It would be pretty disastrous. You must put in effort to maintain a 99.98% honesty rate. This is definitely not easy work because at times you really have to debate internally and ask yourself whether you would rather choose to tell the truth and hurt your love or tell a white lie and spare them the pain. Perhaps i'm wrong, do give your thoughts.
And of course, in relationships, guys have to man up and take responsibility for everything. What i mean is, guys cannot afford to feel insecure. We must be absolutely sure of ourselves at all times, and even if we are not we must hide it. Because, from what i heard, girls wont fall for insecure guys.
And also, guys must be responsible for the finances of the family. I'm not saying girls are not responsible or they don't need to work or they should concentrate on being a house wife. Im saying guys should always strive to be financially sustainable while it is optional for girls to provide for the family. Guys must be that rock or infallible pillar in a girl's life and i can tell you upfront how difficult that is. For girls its okay to feel insecure, its okay to feel unsure about oneself. But for guys, if u feel insecure, its bad, its like you're mentally weak, and if you yourself are insecure, how can you reassure your girl when she's feeling insecure herself? How can you be that rock for your girl. I guess this might be unique to me, as i've been truly struggling with my self-esteem.
All in all, i feel relationships are definitely not as simple as it seems. I guess i'm truly not ready for one, but as each day passes, i don't feel more ready than before. Maybe i'm missing something, maybe it's my character and personality and how i do things, maybe i'm better of single. What i know is, life is 98% pain and 2% true joy.
Firstly, i feel the truth about life is, the more you find out about it, the more you feel it's meaningless and that there is SO MUCH pain in life that even if there is some feeble sense of meaning in your life, it will be easily shadowed by the pain you have to go through.
Sorry for sounding suicidal but i feel this is true. Just think about your stages of life and you'll see eye to eye. First, childhood. You live each day thinking what you could do when you are older and how much more fun you could have.
Secondly, school-attending age. This spreads all the way from when you're 6 till you're 24?. Things that suck about school: you slog so hard just to get that paper certificate. Just think about the numerous hours spent at home, in school , in libraries just mugging away. And now, when you look back, did you think that PSLE cert/O level/A level cert was really worth those hours in your short life? Even at the tender age of 12, based on your PSLE score, you start to get discriminated (NA, NT, Express, Special) and realize if you want to have a financially stable future, you better concentrate on your grades.
Now, what happens after school? Work of course. Full 365 days of it, Les 14 days of leave. Think about this. From age 24-60 (sg wants to raise the retirement age to 68 wth) , that's 36 years of your life and almost 50% of your life spent on working. When you're 60, of course you won't be able to enjoy life as much anymore and you start having old age problems (rheumatism, poor appetite, diabetes risk ; you cant even enjoy a nice bowl of white rice wth) .
These carry you through till you die. Of course the degree of old age problems depends on what you did during your productive work life. If you didn't plan for your retirement, you could very well be living off others and being a burden, increasing the pain of continuing to live.
I used to think, all these would be alright so long as you had love in your heart and love around you. Now, i realize how much work a relationship really is. When you're in a relationship, it's imperative you have to make sacrifices.
Based on my own experience, somehow these sacrifices take away the simple joys of life.
For example, I like playing dota with my group of friends on friday nights/weekends. But because i have to be with her/reply her messages, i find i have to sacrifice this. Now, you can say sacrificing dota shouldn't be a problem, i mean shouldn't spending time with your love be more rewarding than playing a computer game? Maybe its just me, but there's this unparalleled joy from winning a dota match together as a well coordinated team that i think girls can never understand. Just like how i can never really understand how girls like shopping.
This is just one aspect, the other aspect is you have to limit, or at least be wary of your current relationships with other people, especially girls. I'm sure all of you can relate to this. It is SO difficult to still be very close to your friends and meet frequently and have a girlfriend at the same time. Maybe i'm doing it wrong, maybe it's just me, but i find it's such a great sacrifice. It's like trading your friends for someone else, which i would hate to do.
Another aspect is that, open communication, which is vital to good relationships, might not work 100% of the time due to the simple fact that the truth hurts.
A trival example, yr girlfriend asks you if actress A (who has a perfect hot bod ) is hot. You tell the truth and say yes. Then she asks you if she's hot or A is hotter. Now here therein lies the problem. You would definitely think your own girlfriend is hot right, if not she won't be your girlfriend.
So how do you answer this question? Would you tell the truth and say "A is hotter, cos her body is nicer". I'm not saying this is a wrong answer, but chances are, your girlfriend would be hurt by this statement. So, maybe you're not a superficial kind of guy and you tell her, "although her body is nicer, i think you are hotter as a whole". And she will shoot you and say, "so you think my body is not nice la!". GG. Or lastly, you can lie, to her and yourself and say, "Your body is the hottest in the whole universe and no one will ever be hotter than you". Kudos to all of you whose girlfriend is Jessica Alba/Angelina Jolie.
A more serious example, perhaps this might only happen after many many years in a relationship. Suppose you meet this person, she/he is very friendly, cliques very well with you, you have this sort of strange attraction to this person that you can't quite explain or keep it out of your head. At least for now.
Now, this is very normal and common so you know it and can't deny it unless you're delusional. It is not love you are sure of it, it's just a dumb infatuation. Now, the problem lies with whether to tell your husband/wife. Logically, you think this infatuation is definitely not going to last long and you're not going to let it last long, so it's going to end with no consequences. So, why create additional pain to your partner in knowing that you were infatuated with someone else even if its a small infatuation and for a short while. Another way that the truth hurts.
The problem with open communication i feel, is not to be 100% honest and blatant about everything you feel and you do. It would be pretty disastrous. You must put in effort to maintain a 99.98% honesty rate. This is definitely not easy work because at times you really have to debate internally and ask yourself whether you would rather choose to tell the truth and hurt your love or tell a white lie and spare them the pain. Perhaps i'm wrong, do give your thoughts.
And of course, in relationships, guys have to man up and take responsibility for everything. What i mean is, guys cannot afford to feel insecure. We must be absolutely sure of ourselves at all times, and even if we are not we must hide it. Because, from what i heard, girls wont fall for insecure guys.
And also, guys must be responsible for the finances of the family. I'm not saying girls are not responsible or they don't need to work or they should concentrate on being a house wife. Im saying guys should always strive to be financially sustainable while it is optional for girls to provide for the family. Guys must be that rock or infallible pillar in a girl's life and i can tell you upfront how difficult that is. For girls its okay to feel insecure, its okay to feel unsure about oneself. But for guys, if u feel insecure, its bad, its like you're mentally weak, and if you yourself are insecure, how can you reassure your girl when she's feeling insecure herself? How can you be that rock for your girl. I guess this might be unique to me, as i've been truly struggling with my self-esteem.
All in all, i feel relationships are definitely not as simple as it seems. I guess i'm truly not ready for one, but as each day passes, i don't feel more ready than before. Maybe i'm missing something, maybe it's my character and personality and how i do things, maybe i'm better of single. What i know is, life is 98% pain and 2% true joy.
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